Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
