she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
