I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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