Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You need a sexual gate keeper
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
