Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
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