Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
