My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
the room spins SO much faster in panama
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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