Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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