I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I can't put those talents on a resume
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
