he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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