I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
