you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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