I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
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Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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