was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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