she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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