Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
