if i can run in heels then i can drive
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
