Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
