I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
