Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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