Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
