I heard we made out
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
