yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
