Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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