i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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