Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
love makes seman taste better
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
