Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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