Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
