Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
