I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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