I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
