im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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