im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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