The beer is more important than you right now.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
