At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
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So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
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Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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