this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
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had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
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If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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