Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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