I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize