when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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