I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
