I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
