Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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