We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
