I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I need to align my fucking chakras
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
