I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
