Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
