Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
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i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
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I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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