we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
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The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
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we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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