dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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