i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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