his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
this just has baby written all over it
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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