it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
im holly from the hills drunk
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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