Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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