I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
