So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize