Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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