how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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