She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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