I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
