i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
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I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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