I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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