Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
